Monthly Archives: October 2011

I Thought You Were My Best Friend [Ann Reit, 1988]

(in case you can’t tell, the drip in the dingy yellow sweater is the smart one)

Now that’s what I call a first kiss
“It was like nothing. I mean it could have been a fly that just sat on my mouth for a second and flew away.”

Two vapid BFFs—we’ll call them the pretty one and the smart one—find themselves in a G-rated polyamorous vee, the hinge of which is a hunk named Quent Younger. The main conflict is that the smart one can’t deal when Quent realizes he prefers to take the pretty one as his primary; instead of compersion, the smart one feels cattiness and jealous rage. Who can blame her? As is often the case in real life, it turns out that the smart one is also the bitter one. She says of herself, “Oh great, I’m about as mysterious as Donald Duck!” I guess I’m a fogey, but I cannot fathom the adult world being so blase about teenybopper nonmonogamy. All the dads are relieved! I can only presume it is because they suppose that with two girls, the courtship will take twice as long and thus delay the inevitable rupturing of hymens.

A very worthy question posed by the pretty one
“So if guys like the Tarzan-Jane bit, why are we knocking ourselves out liberating ourselves all of the time?”

How to cope with being embodied on a first date
If you have to “do what ladies do in the ladies room” (direct quote), the pretty one suggests that you “DON’T!” If you really have to, “then just say you have to call your mother or something.”

If like a total slob your hand gets damp in the picture show, the smart one suggests a little mind game. “I just pretended my hand was fine and his was the sweaty one.”

How to rub your friendship in to the rest of the tween universe
“Eve and I had a ritual. When we went to a party we would wear the same colors in reverse. If I had on a green skirt and a yellow top, she wore a yellow skirt and a green top. We even bought our clothes so we could always do that.” Bestseller Ranking as of 8:30 a.m. on 9.20.11
(The bestseller ranking is based on sales and is updated hourly to reflect recent and historical sales of every item ever sold on
I Thought You Were My Best Friend #3,785,275


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