Ice Castles [Movie, 1978]

This gem had a younger Roger Ebert wondering “is it possible to find true love these days outside of the hospital?” and “isn’t there something creepy about an audience that walks in knowing the girl is going to blind herself and waits for it to happen?” Well, old boy, I am one of those creeps! I have to disagree with the delightful codger on this one: this movie makes me weak-kneed every time, even if it is improbable, problematic, and full of visible strings.

IT RULES.

Singletons out there: marry me! Our wedding song can be the love theme from Ice Castles!

Real quote from this love scene: “It’s healthy to sweat just before you die!”

Behold the inimitable Colleen Dewhurst of Anne of Green Gables fame! “Regal my eye!”

This is what Lexie’s innocence looks like: plain leotard, make-up-free face, and a bed that’s used solely for sitting on. Stare long and hard, because that one thing that can never be recaptured is about to make like a tree.

Hello limelight! Here our protagonist proves that it is possible to be the lone 1970s figure skater without a Dorothy Hamill haircut and still look bomb on the ice!

Better hold on tight there, Dad. Her humility won’t be restored for at least another 45 minutes.

Mixed signals, people! Right after our haughty protagonist stamps her foot and wails “I’M NOT MOM, DAD!” she lays a big wet one on her father. Who can blame her? If your dad was a young Tom Skerritt, you’d do the same thing.

The lap of luxury in ‘78? Servants and gaucho pants.

I am pretty sure someone slapped Robby Benson’s head when he was looking dreamy and wistful. His face seems to be stuck that way. If this is your personal brand of heroin, there are plenty of shots of him making this face in his scant chonies!

I know this a long shot, but maybe fame is like a jail cell.

Here’s what it looks like when a French girl chokes on the ice.

“We’re on display, aren’t we?” “That’s right, and damn lucky someone wants us to be.”

Pygmalion much?

Well I’ve got good news and bad news. The bad news is you’re blind. The good news is it only makes you hotter and more compelling.

Linda Blair impersonation time! “She was so promising and now she just sits in the attic in her dead mother’s clothes.”

Who better to dom you out on the ice than your ex who still feels spurned? Swoon x2! “Do an axel!” “You’re gutless!” “What’s the matter? Can’t you do it without all the TV cameras?” This is way dreamier than R.B. in goober mode! Also, it is the perfect prelude to the other masterpiece we know and love him for (“And when we touched she didn’t shudder at my paw!”).

En route to try! “Not trying is pointless and cruel. Not trying is wondering your whole damn life if you gave up too soon!”

Alright human spirit: ready, set, triumph!

I should never have doubted old Robby’s range. Here is a second facial expression.

And here’s what makes Ice Castles the most romantic movie of all time:

❤ ❤ ❤ @}—>— WE FORGOT ABOUT THE FLOWERS! —<—{@ ❤ ❤ ❤

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